HI! I’m Jenny, your home yoga hype girl. Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I curate the resources, inspiration, and support you need to cultivate a meaningful, personal yoga practice in the comfort of your own home.
Every week, I sift through mountains of online yoga content and practice classes from a wide variety of teachers. Then, I gather the best of what I’ve found and share it with you.
I do all the heavy lifting. So you can simply read the newsletter, roll out your yoga mat and practice.
Showing up for yourself has never been easier.
Welcome to Week 2 of our March theme: Grief
In this issue, we continue to grapple with grief as we explore “Disenfranchised Grief” and the unintended consequences that result from it.
Our Put it into Practice section is light, with just one “Yoga for Grief” class. It’s meant to be returned to, like a soothing balm you can apply daily.
Let’s get started.
Understanding Disenfranchised Grief
Have you ever heard of disenfranchised grief?
I hadn’t, until I read a recent issue of a newsletter called “Links I Would Chat You If We Were Friends”.
The piece tells the story of people who form deep connections with chatbots and the real grief they experience when those chatbots either change (suddenly becoming impersonal) or disappear altogether.
The author goes on to talk about the difficulty of dealing with loss when no one takes it seriously. Especially when the relationship you mourn is the butt of mean spirited jokes and outright disdain.
The article got me thinking.
What inspires grief?
Who decides what bonds are worthy of it?
What happens when we experience loss that everyone else considers insignificant?
Bereavement expert Kenneth Doka calls this 'disenfranchised grief'. He coined the term in 1989 to capture this feeling of loss that no one seems to understand and that you don't feel entitled to. "Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that's not openly acknowledged, socially mourned or publicly supported," he says.
The Importance Of Mourning Losses (Even When They Seem Small) by Kavitha Cardoza & Clare Marie Schneider
Why So Much Grief Stays Hidden
Our society tends to disqualify grief that doesn’t stem directly from the death of a closely, connected loved one.
We dismiss distraught pet owners, because pets are not children. Mothers who miscarry are reassured that they can try again.
The unexpectedly unemployed should be grateful for their health and the newly single are better off without their exes.
Your favorite author, musician or community leader died? How self indulgent of you to feel sad. After all, you never met the person.
Grief makes us uncomfortable, causing us to dismiss other people’s suffering. Especially when it doesn’t align with societal norms.
Suffering in Silence
The desire to categorize grief becomes even more complex when we are the ones grieving.
Last week, I wrote about the grief I experienced when my son got his drivers license. I felt extremely insecure after publishing that issue. I know so many people who are mourning the loss of parents, children, siblings and other close connections.
I was embarrassed to make such a big deal about something so trivial.
Thankfully, people started responding almost immediately. They told me my story resonated with them. They shared their own stories about grief they found difficult to express.
We are all mourning a multitude of losses that we don’t know how to process. Mainly because, we don’t talk about them.
The experience with my son helped me realize how many other things I need to start talking about.
I’m grieving the loss of my grandparent’s home. A place where I was nurtured, comforted and loved so deeply. The house with a bottomless candy drawer and magic around every corner.
I grieve the retro kitchen where my Grandma baked the cookies she wrapped in plastic, stored in the freezer of her motorhome and drove across the country. She spent decades depositing those cookies into eager little hands as she spread her love from Alaska, to Kansas and all the way to New York.
I can’t quite believe i’ll never be in my grandfather’s garage again. I’ll never smell the comforting aroma I’ve only ever encountered there, a mixture of Texas heat and decades of endless tinkering.
There are so many other things too.
Getting sober felt like the death of a faithful friend, who had been by my side through all of life’s ups and downs. Alcohol was my wingman in social situations, company for lonely nights and the first one I turned to in celebratory moments.
Alcohol took so many things when she left. I lost my identity, friendships, my most reliable coping mechanism and my way of life. All things I grieved deeply.
My dog is old. He was nothing but a pain in my ass for ten years. Then, he matured and settled into the best darn companion I could’ve asked for. He’s almost thirteen now, I can tell he’s not long for this world and I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.
We have to start talking about our grief, and not just when it feels socially appropriate. It’s time to open the windows wide and air it all out.
Talk about the house you raised your children in and sold when you no longer needed so much space. Talk about the beloved neighbor who moved away. Talk about the addict you love but haven’t spoken to for years. Talk about the sport you will never play again after a devastating injury.
Talk about it. Talk about all of it.
And most importantly, listen when someone else is ready to share their grief. You don’t have to understand, you just have to sit quietly and hold space for them. Just listen.
Put It Into Practice
I am only giving you one practice this week. It is all you need. It is a beautiful class and you can load it up every day to create a sacred space and ritual of respite from the harsh realities of life. Allow yourself to melt into this class over and over again.
Additionally, I invite you to reflect on any disenfranchised grief you are experiencing.
Then get it out - write it down on paper, speak to a trusted friend or scream into an empty room. Do whatever you have to do. Let it all out.
Yoga For Grief | Yoga With Adriene
26 Minutes | Beginner Friendly | All Levels
There has been a lot of suffering in the lives of my loved ones lately. It seems like every time I turn around, I am learning of another distressing situation. Life is hard, for a lot of people and I’ve been feeling the weight of it all.
I first practiced this class on a morning when I was especially down and Adriene delivered what felt like a warm, comforting embrace. I felt held within this practice and I am so honored to share it with you. May it bring you peace, if even just for a moment.
Final Thoughts
Be well my friends. Take good care of yourselves and of each other.
Show up for your practice.
Show up when you feel great. Show up when you feel like shit. Show up when you’re sad, excited, tired, energetic, anxious and when the world is falling down around you.
Show up for your practice and your practice will show up for you.
Sending so much love your way.
I’ll see you next Sunday.