The Power of Lovingkindness
Releasing resentment and opening the heart to giving and receiving love
Hey there. I’m Jenny, your home yoga hype girl. Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I share carefully, curated resources, inspiration and support to help you build a meaningful, personal practice in the comfort of your own home.
I spend oodles of time, every week, sifting through mountains of online content, practicing classes from all kinds of different teachers and sharing the best of what I find with you.
I do all the heavy lifting so you can simply subscribe to the newsletter, roll out your yoga mat and practice.
Showing up for yourself has never been easier.
This issue of Root&Rise is the 3rd installment in a month of themed issues for February. The theme is “Matters of the Heart”.
Last week we talked about the ability we all possess to self-generate feelings of warmth and wellbeing within our own heart. We also discussed the power of gratitude, appreciation and joy to carry us out of chronic stress.
This week we’re going to examine:
The impact of resentment on our lives & relationships
How resentment affects our emotional wellbeing
How lovingkindness can help to overcome resentment
Our weekly “Put it into Practice” section is filled with lovingkindness practices to help you release resentment and incorporate more compassion into your daily life.
Let’s dive right in!
When I quit drinking alcohol, I worked through a twelve step program to help me anchor my sobriety. You’re probably familiar with one of the most notorious parts of this process: making amends.
We’ve all seen the movie version of this. A recovering addict shows up on their family’s doorstep (usually fresh from rehab) with a ragged piece of paper, ready to confess their sins and beg for forgiveness. Sometimes the addict is welcomed back with open arms and other times they are turned away, the damage too serious to be repaired so easily.
While my experience with this step was much less dramatic, it was incredibly difficult, and not for the reasons you might think.
Most people don’t realize that there is a lot more to making amends than writing out lists of our own wrongdoing. It’s equally, if not more, important to examine our resentments towards those who have harmed us.
Resentment is a poison that permeates everything it touches. If left unchecked, it has the potential to destroy the person that harbors it.
In terms of the heart, nothing blocks the flow of love, peace and joy more thoroughly than resentment.
That’s why it’s so important to root it out, work through it and let it go before it runs rampant and colors our perception of ourselves and everyone we are in relationship with.
Overcoming resentment is a challenging, complicated process. Today, I’m going to share how I moved past my resentments and developed a healthier, happier outlook on life.
When I refer to resentment, i’m not talking about the trauma caused by overtly heinous offenses - like theft, abuse, infidelity or abandonment.
What I’m describing is a subtler, smoldering irritation that eats away at a person for years: perceived slights from coworkers, parental failings and sibling rivalries. Our spouses, adult children or friends’ failure to meet our expectations.
Resentment is insidious because it builds up gradually over time, which can lead to bitterness.
And it isn’t reserved for drug addicts and alcoholics.
Picture this familiar scenario: you have a falling out with someone. You blame it on one, isolated incident, but know in your heart that it’s more than that. It’s a lot of little grievances that have been allowed to fester to the point of eruption.
That’s resentment.
Finding My Way Back To Peace
When I confronted my own, long held resentments, I quickly realized that it wasn’t as easy as letting go and moving on. It was going to require hard work and the willingness to face some uncomfortable truths.
Because, here’s the thing, I didn’t actually want to let go of my resentments. I felt justified in having them. I held them dear and fed them regularly.
The turning point came when bitterness became so pervasive, it started sabotaging my most important relationships, making me miserable and paranoid. I was convinced that the outside world was every bit as hostel towards me as I was towards it.
My resentments were destroying me from the inside out.
In the beginning, I understood that forgiveness was necessary for peace of mind. But, I was so steeped in the toxicity of my grudges, I couldn’t fathom how to get from where I was to forgiving anyone.
I needed something to carry me over the gap. Like a stepping stone, or a bridge.
And that bridge turned out to be Metta meditation, also known as lovingkindness.
I’m not going to pretend like I was able to meditate my way out of this situation. I definitely was not. I sought out compassionate mentors, who had walked the path before me and I poured a helluva lot of my own blood, sweat and tears into overcoming my deeply entrenched victim mentality.
To be clear, meditation did not take the place of showing up and doing the work. It did, however, support me and brought me closer to a place of surrender. Meditation helped me become willing to do the work, and that’s half the battle with resentment.
Metta: A practice of lovingkindness
I learned about Metta meditation from Dan Harris, the author of “10% Happier” and host of the “Ten Percent Happier Podcast”. Dan has discussed the practice many times in interviews with Sharon Salzberg, well known Metta meditation teacher and author of the book “Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness”
Metta is the Buddhist practice of cultivating kindness towards all beings, including yourself.
This is done by repeating a series of phrases that vary from teacher to teacher, but usually look something like this:
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be healthy,
May all beings be free from suffering.
May all beings be filled with lovingkindness.
As you work with these phrases, you offer lovingkindness to yourself first. This creates an internal well of compassion that you then extend outward, towards others.
When I started practicing lovingkindness, I realized that I had closed my heart to quite a few people in my life. Over time, as I returned to the practice again and again, I noticed a gradual softening of my heart that allowed me to develop empathy. I was finally able to view people, I previously had resentment towards, with compassion. This was a huge step towards releasing resentments and finding peace in my life.
Put It Into Practice
Today, I’m sharing four different Lovingkindness meditations. They all feature different teachers, lengths and styles. Try them out and see which one feels right for you. This isn’t a one and done practice. Explore until you find the class you want to return to, day after day.
Or, try them all and cycle through them! Just keep coming back to the practice.
I’ve also included one yoga asana class. Practice this, or any heart opening class, before engaging with the Metta meditations to amplify the effects of your lovingkindness practice.
10-Minute Lovingkindness Meditation with Sharon Salzberg
8 Minutes | Beginner Friendly | All Levels
Sharon is a highly experienced and exceptional meditation teacher. She guides us gently into the energy of lovingkindness and gives us an accessible way to feel genuine compassion in this short, Metta meditation.
I especially recommend this for anyone new to these concepts, but it’s also great for experienced practitioners who want a quick dip into the energy of lovingkindness.
Guided Loving-Kindness Meditation (10 Minutes) | Declutter the Mind
10 Minutes | Beginner Friendly | All Levels
This is another good one for beginners, or anyone wanting to ease into lovingkindness and explore compassion.
I really connected with this one. As I was moving through the practice, my heart kept feeling fuller and fuller, until I felt like it might burst with love. If you want/need to feel love and loved, this is the one for you.
Loving Kindness Meditation | Guided Healing Practice to Develop Compassion |
Jessica Richburg
15 Minutes | All Levels
To me, this understated little gem is a perfect candidate for repeated practice. It is so simple and stripped down, you can really settle into your own experience. It’s the style that I used when I was working through my personal resentments.
If you are looking for a daily class to settle into, cultivate compassion and release resentments over time, this one is for you!!
Guided Loving Kindness Meditation | Buddhism in English
22 Minutes | All Levels
This class takes a more universal approach to lovingkindness. Perfect for those who want to develop a more expansive experience with compassion.
Day 7 | Loving-kindness | Body,Mind,Soul:30 Days of Yoga Transformation with Nico
24 Minutes | Beginner Friendly | All Levels
I adore this gentle, juicy yoga class. The first time I practiced it, I knew it was going straight into my regular rotation.
A heart opening sequence paired with a lovingkindness meditation, this class is perfect for morning practice. Load it up to get into a compassionate mindset before starting your day!
Final Thoughts
It’s funny, as I was researching and writing this issue, I got a chance to face a lot of lingering resentments within myself. Some that I didn’t even realize were still affecting me.
Resentments aren’t something we just get over and never have to deal with again. We have to continue to work through them, as they appear, throughout our lives.
The beauty of a lovingkindness practice is that it teaches us to recognize resentments more quickly and handle them, with compassion, before they get too far out of hand.
I hope that this issue helped you, in some small way. Even if it was just reminding you to look into your heart and see if there are any grievances that need to be brought to the surface.
Have a wonderful week! I’ll see you next Sunday.
I love this edition!
Thank you Jenny. I did the lovingkindness with Niko this morning and it was wonderful. I loved how we share lovingkindness with our loved ones, neutral folks, and those we deem difficult.